Unsolicited Dating Advice for the Submissive Male, #1

One of the annoying things about being single is how partnered or married people (or your mother) are always dumping unsolicited dating advice on you. "Stand up straight." "Get a hair cut." "Let your hair grow longer." "Beards are sexy." "Facial hair is too risky." I'm usually not one of those people, but when I see possibly bad information floating around stamped as *fact*, it's hard to keep my mouth shut.

See, once upon a time I was a dominant woman dating primarily in vanilla, with some pretty fast turn ons and offs. Any dating advice I have is, well, dated, and based on the exhaustive study of exactly one dominant woman's turn ons and offs, but, hell, it's statistically impossible for me to be the only woman on the planet with my certain skew, right? There have to be at least two of us, and maybe the other one is single and looking for you.

Floating around, stamped as *fact* is the seemingly obvious conclusion that not only is a dominant woman going to want to order for herself on a restaurant date, she would naturally want to take the lead and order for you, too. I can't argue with the logic of the *fact* except to say, it's not a fact at all. Some of my key turn ons and offs, back in the dating days, took place in a restaurant chair....and having some guy look up at me submissively asking what on earth he should eat for dinner was not a turn *on*.

I'd like to tell you a story now. I'm not necessarily on my best behavior in it, so I won't be getting the Blogger Halo Award for the month.

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About a year ago, I had an Important Business Dinner with a key vendor. The company was taking me and some of my staff out to a ridiculously expensive meal at a French restaurant. It so happened that the CEO of the company was male, and the four people he brought with him were female. It so happened that all of the staff I brought with me was female, so here is a big, fancy dinner, with the white male CEO and nine women. And I'm the Alpha Female thinking these harem dynamics are never going to do for me for an entire evening.

Now, I didn't plan this I swear, these are just the things that come out of me naturally.

Everybody is sitting with their menus, trying to figure out what to order in French, which I did for about 30 seconds until I closed it up tight and just sat drinking my wine. Eventually we get to the part where the women are all asking each other what they are going to order (God, I love my sex, really, but that "what are we going to order, and oh, I'll have some of yours" chatter makes me insane). When the female pack get to my selections, I turn to Fred (we'll call him) and say "Fred, I'd like you to order for me, please."

Can I tell you there was an audible gasp? (I love this shit, I'm sorry. I just love it.) And then silence. And then Fred got all red and protested that he didn't know what I liked. And I didn't miss a beat and said "I'm sure you'll do fine." And I turned away from him and went back to drinking my wine. And when the waiter came Fred ordered for me, and he did fine (although I did hear his voice waiver once or twice). And then he had to inquire nervously after every course if I was happy with what he picked.

Yes, it was a shameless power play. I don't know where that came from. It's so unlike me. *innocent look*
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Back to dating now.

A man's confidence during a dinner date, while making sure I was taken care of, was always a big turn on. The last guy I dated (hint, the one I married), was a master of it...and still is. There's not much more erotic, to me, than to be taken care of publicly. Drop a bead of sweat or two over getting it right, all the more so.

So, my best dates took charge at the table while letting me sit back and enjoy.

Now, if it is out of the realm of a submissive guy's personality to behave thusly during a dinner date, please don't. If he can't decide what he wants to order, much less be game to try to please me, a woman with my skew isn't the right choice for him anyway.

But if it's in your personality to know food and wine, how to order in languages other than your native, how to tip a Maitre D' and a sommelier....if you are naturally good at this and the supposed *facts* have you altering yourself to fit them, think again. The internet doesn't do a great job of portraying the multi facets of the dominant woman who could be across the table from you. Your natural confidence and abilities could be exactly what pushes her first set of buttons.

Or not. No guarantees go with this blog post. The best I can offer is a challenge to your assumptions. There is a real woman on the other side of the table waiting to connect with an authentic guy who just might be the real you.