(Not sure if that's the right way to spell splendiforesness, sorry about that. There may be an extra S required.)
So, I threw up a little experiment on CollarMe.com. I haven't been in the "connecting with advertised submissive guys for naughty fun" game since, gasp, the like 1980's, when there was no internet and we had to do it the old fashioned way....newspaper and telephone ads. ;)
My experiment, a few days ago, was to throw up a barebones female dominant profile in order to grab a few quotes that might come in handy for a post on female gender supremacy.
When I say barebones, I mean barebones. Name, height, a few random interests (none of them sexual) checked off, age, state, nothing else. No picture, no profile, no invitations or enticement to contact me, nothing.
I was thinking about filling a bit more of the profile out when the messages started pouring in. Pouring in. So I stopped checking boxes to see what would happen.
God. I have pages and pages and pages of messages, all declaring devotion to serve me, when, I didn't tell them the first fucking thing about me. I feel so special!
Here's my theory: My theory is that I am so amazing, so amazingly sexy and superiorly dominant, that I don't even have to write a thing, and my amazingness transfers through the tubes of the internets. And all men (small m) will bow before Me (capital M) because I am so special.
In fact, this song was written specifically for Me. Please, bow before my splendiforensness as you listen:
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Bow before my splendiforesness
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39 comments:
LOL. I am in the middle of researching and writing a BDSM For Beginners post on how to contact dominants and I do hope you won't mind my quoting this!
In fact, any chance you'd send me some of your favorite responses?! They would be great to provide as anonymous examples of what NOT to write!
Ms160
Ms160s Abode
FetishLore
:)
With pleasure. I'll try to get the responses together for you in the next few days, maybe sooner.
God, honestly. I'll send you the link to the profile, too. There is *nothing there*. It might as well say "Warm Body".
I haven't opened 2/3 of the messages up. I think there's 100 already, in just a couple of days.
(How a real guy meets a real woman through all of that noise, I couldn't say. I hope you've got some good advice for the real guys. If I were looking, I would have packed my bags and left already.)
Newspaper and telephone ads were so *neat* and orderly. The women could just calmly go through and contact whomever they liked without being intruded upon. I met some of the nicest guys, and never grubby losers.
Someone should make a dating site like *that*.
hugs, E
Oh sh*t, that was you?
Er... That is, um, I was also doing an experiment on gendering. Yeah, that's it... For, uh, a future blog article. Yeah. Like that.
Bowing is a courtesy I like to extend to many women, especially before and sometimes during period dancing.
Kneeling and grovelling I thought would have been more appropriate for your Splendiforousness!
If suggesting this is topping from the bottom, again, please may extend my apologies.
While this is easily laughed at, it actually pisses me off. Not because of what you did, but because it worked. (Reverse the gender, say if I conducted the same experiment, I would need to wait about ::checks watch:: forever for a response.)
I want to hear what you and the rest of the smart female dominants who blog have to say about this supply-and-demand problem, how it so obviously fits in with femdommery for money, and how it devalues submissive men because naturally, if a lowly submissive male like me said anything, who would be listening?
Why is the site called "CollarMe?" Why would I want to go to a site that offers to collar me?
::blink::
::blink::
I get that decent female dominants are apparently in short supply, what with you getting 100+ offers in all of 2 days. (And aw, where's *my* army of wiliing submissives? Didn't I sign up for that?) But maybe possibly one of the reasons we're in such high demand is because most of us figure that those sites aren't made for people like us, just the people who want to sleep with us?
Hmph.
Aren't you short-changing other aspects of your life by doing all of this? You weren't really surpised by the results you got; you know that the "true believers" on the other side are unshakeable in their beliefs. Why bother?
Anyone researching contact advertisements should take a look at the book "They Call Me Naughty Lola". It's quite amusing - excerpts from it are available from all of the usual suspects.
May -
I latched onto BJ in the beginning when I read her say something like, there's no supply/demand problem, it's all an illusion, because the culture of the world of FemDom (r) has chased off the dom women and that's why they seem so scarce.
Of course, that's a bad paraphrase and hopefully she'll be along shortly to write out what she *did* say.
It was pretty much directly after this that I fell in love with her and we became BFFs off blog, forever. She can't escape me, no matter how hard she tries.
Let me take that a step further. What if it has also chased off a good chunk of the intelligent, sincere, sane, grounded, submissive guys?
Whether I was dom or sub, with my nature, I'd have exactly five minutes patience to operate in a meat market culture in a crowd of people who *seem* as it their primary goal is to play the numbers to find someone willing to cyber with them without a Mastercard.
As far as devaluing, on the one hand yes, it devalues both submission and dominance, and on the other hand, maybe not really. I don't see how people who would swarm an empty profile have anything to do with you or me.
But it's a lot of *noise* that gets in the way of real people connecting.
And it confuses the issue.
hugs, E
I really liked this essay - which is kind of related.
One of things that is still happening with BJ is that women are writing to me and blogging about me saying:
Oh god, dominating men is actually sexy.
Which is why I think I can be as mean to submissive men as I want and they still owe me. I am actually *making* dom women - something you boys have been trying and failing at for centuries.
It has been pointed out (correctly) by a few people, that I am OBSESSED WITH SEX - and therefore a prisoner in this horrible place trapped my my own relentless desires. And I have been so fucking lonely for so fucking long. Because a lot of women left this place. And a lot more never came. And a lot of the men went a bit strange as a result.
This demographic is artificial. Femdom repels women - and a lot of people (guess!) have a vested financial interest in it continuing to do so. This demographic situation is very profitable for those that exploit it.
My explanation is the only one that explains this disparity that makes any sense.
Eileen -
Collarme.com is a pretty big BDSM meeting place. You can find a Gorean Master there, too.
I'm the *last* person who knows anything about how people meet people nowadays (I used a horse and buggy to deliver my messages back in the day ;), but for people who don't live in big urban areas, I'd imagine it's one of a limited number of options to connect.
As I said to May (posted while your comment was waiting), there's no possibility those were offers from real people, because what real person would respond to an *empty* profile with an offer to "serve"?
It's noise.
And to sound like your grandmother now, please pass rocking chair, I remember the guys I met back in the day complaining that they were so often contacted by pro dommes from their ads. They considered that noise they had to sift through to get to the women who weren't going to suddenly ask for a credit card.
I'm not saying the internet invented noise, but it *seems* louder today.
Please pass me my Metamucil and liver pills.
hugs, E
Also (sorry - so spammy) I had a great line on the older version of BJD which was this:
For submissive men, looking for a dominant woman can be like looking for a needle in haystack, but for a dom woman, looking for a submissive man is like looking for a needle in a needlestack -where only one of the needles isn't an arsehole.
I should use that one. That should be a t shirt
Responding hopelessly out of order, this comment section is going to be a mess....
BJ -
re: tshirt
LOL
That's great. And you have to use that line.
I should, theoretically, be going back to sleep now. I just got up to use the bathroom, for god's sake.
But look how messy this all is.....my replies are all out of order.
sigh.
signed,
your friendly neighborhood control freak
Tom & Nigel -
lol, love you guys.
Not a deep reply, but one that needed to be said!
hugs, E
Anon wrote -
Aren't you short-changing other aspects of your life by doing all of this? You weren't really surpised by the results you got; you know that the "true believers" on the other side are unshakeable in their beliefs. Why bother?
Hi,
This comment puzzles me. I don't really understand what you are saying. Maybe you meant to post this on the last Female Gender Superiority post?
In any event, I can't see how talking about real thoughts and feelings is a waste of time. It's a blog for god's sake :), you're lucky I'm not filling it with pictures of my new puppy. (Who is *so* adorable, I can't even say. )
Also, I have a new recipe for dog treats, bacon and cheese biscuits. Let's not forget that I've yet to give you my opinion on Holly Hunter's new show.
I am deadly serious about the above. I'll blab about almost anything here...why would I *not* blog about things that are particularly close to my heart?
E
Another Anon wrote:
Anyone researching contact advertisements should take a look at the book "They Call Me Naughty Lola". It's quite amusing - excerpts from it are available from all of the usual suspects.
Hi,
Thanks.
Just because I'm slightly paranoid that anyone would get the wrong idea, I'd like to make clear that I didn't *respond* to any messages or interact with anyone under any pretense.
Even with the "chat invite" button blinking off the hook.
So we're clear....I didn't interact with anyone under any pretense.
That would be so against my core beliefs, I can't even say.
Not saying you said I did, just trying to be *really clear* here. I posted a nearly blank profile with the few things that were filled in completely true.
Thanks,
E
BJ -
I'll throw in a little tidbit I picked up from the boards over at CM.
Apparently Gorean Masters are in as "short supply" as dom women. No joke....
So, when you are done fixing the supply/demand curve on this side of the fence, the female submissives (or should I call them slaves?) in Gor could *really* use a hand.
Of course what's funny (not ha ha, just odd) about that piece of knowledge I gleaned is that I *thought* one of the F/m supply problems (apparent supply problems) was gender based. To hear it said that it's the gender reverse, but not the dom/sub reverse, in Gor gave me pause.
And then I decided to bake more dog cookies. ;)
" ...talking about real thoughts and feelings is a waste of time."
I didn't mean that - I meant the effort you put into writing your profile and then reading all of the responses. Just seems like the equivalent of putting your name on a list for telemarketers.
But then again, I know people who like getting junk mail!
Hi Anon -
Okay, I see what you are saying now.
Investing time, didn't really. Did invest some time in the post and the comment section here, but not at CollarMe. The profile was up in two minutes or less; skimming a chunk of the messages, almost no time on that either. They were quite similar.
I do agree that if I had invested much time, it would have been a silly endeavor.
E
but for people who don't live in big urban areas, I'd imagine it's one of a limited number of options to connect.
Oh hey, no objections to internet meetings - I found 2 of 4 boyfriends that way. And although I've got a supposed leg-up on a lot of folks because of my location, it's really not that easy. (And for May, it's ridiculously hard.) I simply suspect that naming a site in such a way as to attract people of a certain orientation is not a good business model. And also, it adds to the atmosphere Bitchy is always railing about wherein the dating scene isn't actually welcoming.
there's no possibility those were offers from real people, because what real person would respond to an *empty* profile with an offer to "serve"?
People who believe that ovaries and a dominant orientation are all you need. There are real people who believe that.
Please pass me my Metamucil and liver pills.
Might I politely point out to all you 'old fogies' (Bitchy, Tom, I'm talking to you too) that you being older is not, perhaps, as bad as you might think. (I mean hey, those fonts look pretty spry from here.) And for that matter, that it's a bit weird for someone my age to feel like the vast majority of people I get along with aren't in the same generation as me . . .
I love that Eileen is ten years younger than me and Elizabeth is ten years older. Love it like only a true geek can.
I love that Elizabeth tells me about dating using newspaper ads and phones lines and Eileen tells me what it was like to grow up kinky with the net already there.
The net grew up around me. My first d/s experience was cyber in a MUD. But I remember newspaper ads.
Off topic - but full of love
I've always had friends from different age groups. *Of course*, it's a relatively new thing to be consistently on the *older* side of the spectrum. :p
(First finacee was 14 years older, first husband was 8 years younger...21 to my 29...., as an example.)
There's something special about making a friend who is exactly my age, shared history and common perspective. But the stairstep 10 year difference of history and perspective that the three of us happen to be able to share with each other is just as special.
We should write a book someday. BJ, can you ghostwrite my chapters? I'm way lazy.
Eileen, the *only* reason I bring up the liver pills :), is I feel awkward when I weigh in *too* much about what's specifically going on with people looking for partners in the here and now.
The internet exploded, for good and bad, most of the frames of reference I have for the conversation. Back in the day, I lived in a large east coast city, so there were plenty of opportunities to meet guys (I was too group shy to go to groups)...I'm not saying it was easy to meet an ideal partner (when is it?), but to meet great guys with common interests, it just wasn't hard. And very neat and orderly.
And I'd never *heard* of female supremacy. I don't think any of the guys I knew had either, at least they didn't bring it up.
Generally, I try to hang back and just post photos of hot guys ;), but occasionally a "what the fuck are you people *talking* about" does pop out.
Ooooops.
I like cherry jello for dessert after activity time. :)
hugs!
E
Elizabeth, you quoted Bitchy when you said: there's no supply/demand problem, it's all an illusion, because the culture of the world of FemDom (r) has chased off the dom women and that's why they seem so scarce.
I agree that this has happened but by its very definition that has created a supply and demand problem. ;) It is not that there are more submissive men than there are dominant women in the world, but that much fewer dominant women feel like submissive men are the ones they want to be with. I think we all know why (I think) that is.
You also said: Let me take that a step further. What if it has also chased off a good chunk of the intelligent, sincere, sane, grounded, submissive guys?
It is pretty plainly obvious that this is not a what if situation. This is reality. And it's a damn shame.
Whether I was dom or sub, with my nature, I'd have exactly five minutes patience to operate in a meat market culture in a crowd of people who *seem* as it their primary goal is to play the numbers to find someone willing to cyber with them without a Mastercard.
Seconded, very strongly. I have a profile on ALT.com and probably on a shit ton of other sites and how many times have I checked them? Maybe once, maybe twice. But what's the point? There's so much noise you can't hear yourself type. It makes these places useless. And that, too, exacerbates the supply-and-demand problem because now there are even less spaces to meet other people.
As far as devaluing, on the one hand yes, it devalues both submission and dominance, and on the other hand, maybe not really. I don't see how people who would swarm an empty profile have anything to do with you or me.
It's not that they have anything to do with you or me directly, it's that the noise they create actively makes it harder for people like you and me. And that is just as wrong and just as worth railing against as if they were holding a gun to my face and telling me to dominate you because I'm a man and you're a woman. I see no ultimate difference there; it's wrong.
And it confuses the issue.
It confuses many issues because it is a symptom of many of them, but the noise is also an issue in itself. You don't treat cancer patients solely by giving them surgery. You give them pain medication as well.
Also, I'm evidently in a very bitter mood today so I apologize for the tone of this post if it, you know, rubbed anyone the wrong way. (Except not really, because it probably should.)
Thanks for the hugs, also.
Might I politely point out to all you 'old fogies' (Bitchy, Tom, I'm talking to you too)
Oh, hah hah hah hah...
BTW, sorry about that dent in your car; my walker slipped when I stooped to pick up my glasses.
And E? Maybe we did go to high school together ;-)
I've always had friends from different age groups. *Of course*, it's a relatively new thing to be consistently on the *older* side of the spectrum.
I belong to a local civic group that has a lot of guys in their 50s and 60s, and a lot of guys in their mid 20s. When I walk into a dinner, it's the 20-somethings who pull up a chair and say "Tom, come sit over here, man." It's only been in the last couple of years that I realized that what used to be somewhat geeky among my peers (being computer/net literate, for example) now makes me a cool, pioneering type with people who could be my children.
Weird. I try not to think about this because it still doesn't quite jibe with my idea of being "older."
I agree that this has happened but by its very definition that has created a supply and demand problem. ;)
Yes - she was not quoting me very well was she. I may be too drunk to quote me very well either.
Yes - there is a supply and demand problem among people actively seeking femdom d/s. Clearly. People make money off supply and demand problems. Oh yes.
What I am saying - mainly - is that there is not a root/hard-wired sexuality problem/imbalance
Mean-fucking-while the people making the money are the same ones who are chasing off the ordinary women. I like to keep saying this. It is the point.
I am very angry about this. Where the fuck do these people get off that their right to earn money comes above my right to feel comfortable with my sexuality.
Okay. Drunk. Stopping now.
'Lizabeth's blog, not my blog, take it to your own blog, BJ...
BTW, sorry about that dent in your car; my walker slipped when I stooped to pick up my glasses.
Oh I'm sorry, what was that about you and Bitchy railing on my white-on-black original design being too hard on old eyes?
E - That 10-year gap book? I'm in.
Eileen, the *only* reason I bring up the liver pills :), is I feel awkward when I weigh in *too* much about what's specifically going on with people looking for partners in the here and now.
Weighing in about how people treat each other is not the same as weighing in about how people meet each other.
"how to contact dominants and I do hope you won't mind my quoting this! "
Well, in the case of the female dominant, you handle it much as you would handle happening upon a unicorn while hiking in the woods. You document where and when you saw the extremely rare specimen, and then you attempt to memorize the moment exactly how it is so that you can reminisce about that one time you saw a dom female on a dating site that wasn't asking for "tribute" or expected you to do no strings housework. :P
Zonk -
Methinks you need to explore dating sites less and the blogosphere more. I can think of a handful of female doms that meet your criteria, but none of us hang out on dating sites, because the chances of meeting a submissive man who wants to talk to our faces (not our crotches) and not demand that we wear uncomfortable shoes are about the same as the chances of meeting a griffin on the NYC subway.
I have hopelessly mucked up this comment section by not responding more promptly.
Let me start with Zonk, mostly 'cause I like his name.
Hi Zonk -
Sigh.
'kay, first of all, the unicorn thing is funny. That out of the way.....
Sigh.
The problem isn't that there aren't plenty of real, just as real as the woman who lives next door to you, real dominant women about...the problem is there's so much noise and static, the down-to-earth dominant women and down-to-earth submissive guys can't see or hear each other.
Are a huge chunk of the women hanging about on a place like CollarMe looking to cover their next grocery bill? Yep. Are a huge chunk of the guys hanging about on a place like CollarMe looking for a quick cyber orgasm based on their own focused kink list? Yep.
Together, they should live well and be happy. They deserve each other.
If you don't fall into the description of the guy above, then what do those people have to do with you?
I'm not saying its easy to find the woman who is a match for you...I wouldn't know how to tell you to go about it, but she's not a unicorn.
Promise!
E
Okay, I think the only other comment that's really unresponded to here is Maymay.
Oh, and BJ.
BJ, may I remind you that as soon as I mangled my paraphrase of you, I emailed you directly saying "I have just quoted you badly, you might want to go fix that up. "
I'm just sayin' that's all. ;)
Now, back to Maymay.
Honestly, I can honestly say, that it was only in the last few months I came to grasp how badly short changed the submissive guys have been by femdom imagery.
I *got* the part where the physical and emotional stereotype to female dominants was insulting to *me*, I just didn't pay attention to what was happening on the other side of the coin.
None of us are unicorns or statistical anomalies. Other people are just talking way louder than we are which, if you knew me in person, you'd find hard to believe possible. ;)
hugs, E
Hey Elizabeth;
I know that my chances of finding someone on a place like collar me are slim, but i've had great success with vanilla dating sites, so I figured that I'd give it a try. Nothing ventured so and so. But I've recently started hanging out in the scene and I'm having a ball. Still though. If the ratio is 20:1, as some people have suggested, that makes things pretty sketchy for your averge sub male.
Luckily for me, I'm in the 98 percentile of awesome, so a 20:1 ratio doesn't bother me. :P
Zonk -
Are you sure that's the best approach? I find myself wildly attracted to men who tell me they are worthless slugs unworthy of breathing the same air I breathe.
;)
(Meanwhile, in another time and place, I'd have half a crush on you already. )
hugs, E
Aww you. I think you're pretty cool as well.
Funny, I never noticed before how a dom woman having a crush on you is a lot less "adorable" than a vanilla crush. A vanilla crush calls images to mind of someone writing another persons name over and over in a book, or daydreaming about walks through sunflowers. A kink crush is probably closer to drawing images of torture devices and wistfully cleaning various gags and whips, picturing what they'd look like on someone.
See, this is why I like you Zonk. Creativity and imagination.
Yes, I think the vanilla crush swirly write the name over and over again on the notebook, little heart thing is probably not quite right.
Also, and this is just between us, with Bitchy Jones as my BFF, I'd never get away with it.
;)
hugs, E
*laughs at Zonks description of a "kink crush"*
I am catastrophically late to this party, but this from BJ:
My first d/s experience was cyber in a MUD.
Me too! Wow! (Well, you are, I think, my exact age.)
I don't know what to think of the purported vast imbalance of dom women to sub men. I don't get to meet a lot of sub men - not nearly as many as I'd like. To me they are like precious jewels. (I don't even, in real life - like at the club - meet a lot of bad/defective/irritating ones.)
This must just be what I get for living in the wild, wild west, where all the men are [gay] cowboys.
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