i haz toolipz!

Holiday prep this year was brutal. Family was sick, husband completely out of commission. Given that I depend on him for I don't know, like mostly everything, the frantic days before Christmas were wearing, physically & emotionally.

The Christmas holidays are tres important to me and mine. The late husband passed between Thanksgiving and Christmas eleven years ago now...some holiday marker, huh...you can give into the spectre of sadness and loss that hangs with a milestone like that, or you can fight back with joy...is my thinking at least.

I fight back with joy, dammit. Joy. We will all ENJOY ourselves, dammit.

Just try not to get yourself miserable in the process, you know?

The most pressing "joy" pressure to me during the holidays is my late husband's parents. He was their only child and they lost him. I remarried quickly. Their young grandchildren were adopted by my new husband, integrated into a new life, leaving the markings of their son, including his name, behind. Keeping *them* fully integrated into our lives, into our joy is a high priority for me...and the Christmas holidays, when they come to stay with us, is the perfect time for me to show them.

Of course, this also means somebody has to clean the toilets before they come. And cook the food. And decorate somewhat properly. Etc.

One thing and another, I got through this year's prep, albeit more solo than I would have liked. Tried my best to keep good cheer in the lead up...did hit a low point or two where it seemed there was more work than fun and where, where is the joy. I was moving into grumpy, pressured and bitchy, hardly fertile ground for a happy celebration to come.

So, I sent myself tulips!

Pretty, Christmas tulips, straight from the grower through 800flowers.com. They arrived the next day, Christmas Eve morning. The youngest son was well enough to help out. He followed the directions (Christmas miracle!), cut the stems, mixed the preservative into the water, and set my tulips right up for me. So pretty, red and white. I love tulips. I felt flooded with joy, so blessed to have such pretty visitors from nature, from another part of the globe, inside my home on Christmas Eve.

(Fresh cut flowers are an indulgence. Indulging myself thusly put enough joy in my tank for me to continue to work to spread joy to others. Being indulged by other people is *delightful* when it happens, but seldom likely to come when you need it most...is my experience.)

Days later, I still have my tulips. The company is gone, the children off on adventures of their own, relative peace and quiet in a house that still hangs with the joy of the holiday had. The tulips have bloomed fully, standing tall, not yet ready to droop....though I myself have long crashed. :)

"When life hands you lemons, send yourself tulips", I always say. (Not a particularly catchy saying, but hell, I never claimed to be Will Rogers.)

Wishing you all continued joy.