My failure....

..... let me sho it 2 u.

Sigh.

I'm still processing the results of spending a marathon day yesterday giving employee reviews and raises for the year.

I should be drinking heavily while doing this, but you know, it's currently 5 in the morning, and up since 3AM mind spinning, I don't think drinking heavily would have been a good choice. At least not on a work day.

Honestly. I never in a million years set out to manage people. It's not in my constitution. I am, by nature, a quirky, extroverted, overly bright, under formally educated, geeky sort of "genius" personality. (Please don't take my use of the word "genius" there too literally. I'm referring to personality type, not *actual* intelligence.)

I am a natural leader, if you measure that by people wanting to follow me. That's happened my whole life, as far back as I can remember. I'd set out in a direction on my own, turn around after awhile, and damn, look at that, there's a string of people behind. Well hello there, I'd wave. Not sure I know where I'm going, but if you really want to, okay, come along for the journey. Ooops, was I supposed to take a left turn or right turn at that last junction? Hope you guys enjoy the scenic route. Look, I brought snacks!

Manager? Really notsomuch. Not. So. Much.

I naturally suck at all of the elements that are required for managing people, including attention span. When it finally got through to me, maybe only five or six years ago, that being *responsible* for *people* was my destiny, like it or not, I have worked very hard to acquire skill sets not at all natural to me.

Yesterday morning I set out thinking, look how far I have come. I can do this. Yay.

Yesterday evening I went home thinking "Wow. I fail."

If there is anything harder than trying to guide and shape individuals to their maximum potential, to help them *feed their families* the best they can, I really don't know what it is.

Nuclear science maybe is harder?

Really good managers or nuclear scientists should feel free to chime in with an opinion on that. Me, I'm starting happy hour around 4PM.