HFDU - Behind The Scenes

How much fun is this? A "behind the scenes" post on The Making of HFDU, just like the bonus features on DVD versions of television series and movies. My readers are so lucky!

[pokes HFDU-bored friends with a sharp stick -- play along here people]

I seem to have one emotional crisis per chapter of HFDU produced. This embarrasses and un-nerves me because even though I'm by nature emotional, I do a pretty good job of corralling my emotions before they froth into crisis.

Writing? Yeah, notsomuch. Bring on teh drama.

Usually my panic attacks, hand-wringing and frantic emails to friends are on the topic of: "I suck. My writing is horrible. I can't fix this. I can't post it. I suck." Because I hang out with people who are both really good writers and kind human beings, my friends send me cookies and pats on my head and say "It's okay. Calm down and push "post"." I believe these friends because they never try to convince me I'm Tolstoy, just that there's a place for people who aren't Tolstoy to write, too.

This chapter's panic attack had its own unique charm. The story itself has been "done" for months, all just a matter of getting it on virtual paper. This was the chapter where I had to write out the whole kinky harsh ceremony. Three or four paragraphs in, I froze. I had been so focused on worrying about the narration (description of physical action is excruciatingly hard for me), I hadn't spent a second thinking what it would feel like for me to write something that kinky harsh and post it publicly.

Wow.

So, I was talked down off the virtual ledge again, got it all written out, posted it and....panic attack came back. Yesterday I was crumbly. Today I'm fine and poking gently around my emotions to see why that chapter was so hard to post. I've hardly introduced new perversions to the internet.

Writing does lay you bare, doesn't it though, no matter what sekrit identity you've laid over yourself for protection. Vulnerability - do not want!

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Already at work, background, on a second story for HFDU. I want to explore The City next. The story that is germinating is cute. I assure you that any resemblance to Ugly Betty is completely coincidental.

Groaning at the part where I have to flesh out, to a reasonable degree, the geography and topography of "the land", though. So not my thing. Sure, I've had fun plugging population estimates, probable birth rates based on cultures, percentages of male population who choose to "serve" and the like into Excel and geeking out over stats - but when we start talking climate regions, mountain ranges and just where the hell everything is located, my eyes glaze over.

The best I've come up with is an island nation like Australia or Great Britain. (Yeah, I know Australia isn't technically an island. I paid just enough attention in geography to pick up the seven continent thing, thanks.)

I've been editing the Fictional Foundation, as appropriate, on any changes to what we started with.

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On slave fiction: found out that slave fiction is an actual genre'. Never knew that! Here's what's weird though, once I started getting "slave fiction" tag hits on Utopia, I went to see what else was published online.

The only original slave fiction I can find is near 100% M/m, with some women characters thrown in on either side of the fence for color. I must be looking for it wrong. I don't even see "women enslaved to men" original fiction. Some fan fic off of Gor, but not anything more than that.

Mind, I'm talking world building fiction, not the fragmented "Enslaved to a Woman Who Made Fun of my Small Penis" scraps on wanker site collections. Nothing wrong with wanker site collections, just not what I'm talking about.

Anyone? I really think I must be looking for this wrong. I'm interested in any M/f worlds, too. I can't believe the M/m folks have left the rest of us so far behind in the "dust".